When I look back in life I see that I have been faced with many decisions. Which school should I go to? Should I join the military, should I get out of the military, should I move back to California. Looking forward I see similar choices. My hearts desires direct me to go one way, but my logical reasoning pulls me the other way. I have most often taken the safe route and I always think "what if".
My most recent trip back to California has allowed me to see myself in my what if scenario. Although, I had a lot of fun this last week with my friends I certainly do not share the same passions any longer and so I wonder if it is the fact that we have been separated geographically and see each other so infrequently that the only thing we have holding us together is our shared past. So, I wonder had I stayed in California would we still be friends? Would I have the same relationship with my family? Or Could joining the military and leaving California have been the best thing period.
So, I present myself the same old question in a new light. Should I move back to California? Certainly I am no fan of Oklahoma but is California only great because of its nostalgia? There are definitely benefits to working in the office here in Oklahoma. More and more I can find positive things about living in Oklahoma as well, but I only believe there are benefits to moving back to California. In all reality, on the return home I can find that I no longer share any commonality with my best friend and we will fade away into each others pasts. I can grow to resent my family for demanding so much out of me as I did before I joined the military. I can find that I cannot financially sustain myself and I spiral into a deep depression and anxiety after I have secluded myself from my friends and family. So although I say I hate Oklahoma and I want nothing more than to move to California, it may be the only thing keeping me from being a crazy bum living on the streets of Southern California.
My most recent trip back to California has allowed me to see myself in my what if scenario. Although, I had a lot of fun this last week with my friends I certainly do not share the same passions any longer and so I wonder if it is the fact that we have been separated geographically and see each other so infrequently that the only thing we have holding us together is our shared past. So, I wonder had I stayed in California would we still be friends? Would I have the same relationship with my family? Or Could joining the military and leaving California have been the best thing period.
So, I present myself the same old question in a new light. Should I move back to California? Certainly I am no fan of Oklahoma but is California only great because of its nostalgia? There are definitely benefits to working in the office here in Oklahoma. More and more I can find positive things about living in Oklahoma as well, but I only believe there are benefits to moving back to California. In all reality, on the return home I can find that I no longer share any commonality with my best friend and we will fade away into each others pasts. I can grow to resent my family for demanding so much out of me as I did before I joined the military. I can find that I cannot financially sustain myself and I spiral into a deep depression and anxiety after I have secluded myself from my friends and family. So although I say I hate Oklahoma and I want nothing more than to move to California, it may be the only thing keeping me from being a crazy bum living on the streets of Southern California.
No comments:
Post a Comment