Kinda Gross

So... I was putting lotion on my feet, and as I was cleaning between my toes, my toenail fell off my middle toenail on my right foot. It just came off, held on by a thread.. I just pulled it compleatly off. There seems to be new nail growing under.. strage.

The last time that happened was with my finger after I smashed it as a child. I wonder if I had trama to the toe and didn't realize ( or remember ) it.

Winter Driving in Oklahoma

Perhaps its a blessing that I come from California and hence, I have never been forced to drive in snow, or at least fresh snow. Today however, has probably been my second time that I have ever needed to drive in these conditions, and I was frightened like no other. I was probably going slower than some old folks in their Cadillac (or whatever analogy you want to use). Everyone else on the other hand was trying to drive like it was just light rain or fog, a little bit slower with the lights on, but still right on my tail and swerving in and out of traffic. I saw about 10 wrecks on the 15 miles of highway I needed to drive to get home. I saw twi ce as many vehicles lose control because they were going too fast and try to swerve or brake to avoid an accident.

driving in snow = dangerous

Back to the OKC

I head home on Wednesday. I am excited to get to sleep in my bed again, thats about the only thing that excites me when I think about going back. That, and the fact that I don't have to work here anymore. All I can really say is that my adjustment to this job has not been an easy one.

It would seem that Oklahoma City has been through some severe ice storms which have downed some power lines and caused massive power grid issues over the last few weeks. I don't know if I have power or not. So, I may be going home to a dark and cold apartment.

The last few weeks have brought out an overwhelming roller coaster of emotions for me. Joy, excitment, anger, frustration, and confusion are only a few of the emotions that I have endured over the last few weeks working in Lompoc.

The last six years of my life, I have been under the rule that hard work brings more hard work, but praises and respect along with that. It would appear now that hard work only brings grief now. I think the thing is, in the last three weeks, I have figured out what the system does, how it operates, and identified certian flaws in the design the lead engineer drew up. Lets just put it this way, when I mention any flaws, I was quickly shot down and told "IT WILL WORK"! (BTW, it didn't and my solution worked). Quickly after that, I was assigned basic tasks that required little troubleshooting and creative thinking skills. Is it that he just really needed someone to take care of those things? or could it be that he didn't want some punk kid who just started with the company to outshine him. I'll stick with the idea that he really needed someone to bundle cables in ten, but it would be really beneficial for me to learn the system better and maybe I can figure some things out.

Last week I went to San Francisco and I fell in love with it again. The last time I was there was almost 10 years ago, when I went to visit my friend Shao when she was up at UC Davis. I used to go all the time with my dad whenever my relatives from Houstin came to visit grandma up there. So, when my father passed away, I stopped going to San Francisco and when I joined the military the idea of going north was a mute point. I don't know what it is about the area, my cousin says its the weather, I agree but there must be something else. The crowdedness, the traffic, and just the way the people are just make me feel at home, but yet its definitally not the same at home feeling when I am in Southern California.

When driving past the San Jose area, I saw all the high tech industries I decided that I am going to make a valient effort to get me a job out there. I know the cost of living out there is high, but I think that I can defiinitally command a six figure salary with my experiences and education for that area.

Frustrated

I am frustrated about being single
I am frustrated about my job environment
I am frustrated about my health problems

Fast Food

I haven't exercised in over a month. My trip to Cali has been a food fest as it always is. This last week, I have been living out of a hotel room, with only some tortillas, cheese, and some frozen dinners in my room. I really haven't touched it. It has been fast food all week long for lunch and diner. Something has to change, and it has to change quick. I feel unhealthy right now. I go to work at 7 and I come home at 10 at night. What can I do?

I-Phone

I am seriously considering getting one of these. Is it worth about 800 bucks? No, so am I really considering it? Not really, but I do want one.

Women

Why do I let them affect me? Especially ones that just shouldn't matter.

Inspiration

I feel inspired.

--Inspired to make my apartment my home
--Inspired to make new friends
--Inspired to work hard
--Inspired to live life at its fullest

I feel inspired.

Day 2: Feels like week 2

I am not very happy with my work environment. Mainly because I am one of a few people who actually live in Oklahoma City. Everyone else seems to come and go as the job requires them to, but I see about 10 faces everyday and they are 10 different faces. I haven't yet meet my reporting official, and I was told that my likeliness of actually meeting him is slim to none, and if I do meet him, I shouldn't expect him to remember who I am after that meeting.

I suppose that my biggest gripe is that I thought that I would feel better about being alone in Oklahoma City after I started working, and I feel just as alone now as I did when I first got here. The project manager for the Florida region has shown interest in having me be an assistant at my old base, that only makes sense as I just came from there and I have some knowledge of the network. So, it is possible that early next year, I will be back in Florida. So far I haven't been put to good use, I sit around and watch other people work on spreadsheets and diagrams. That seems to be the biggest part of the job. Tomorrow however, I get to set up some equipment for a network roll out, but alas, I'll more than likely be diagramming the equipment as the Lead engineer plays with the stuff. I suppose that's better than watching him diagram. =/

I miss my old room mates dog (and my old roommate too)

Three weeks has passed since I left that annoying dog. I remember when I first moved in to that house, I had seen pictures of the little puppy but it wasn't until the first time I met Juice that I knew that he was going to irritate me the whole time I was there. I tried to play with him and be nice, but I had never had a dog before, at least not one that I ever took part in taking care of.

When he was a little puppy, he used to go into my room and hide little turds all around like hidden surprises for me; and of course, I had to make sure that he wouldn't do that again. I followed my room mates example on how to remedy the problem by spanking the dog, but perhaps I took that further than necessary as at some point in time, Juice finally got scarred of me. He also irritated me every morning when my room mate opened the door to let the dog out of the room; Juice would immediately open my door (it never shut fully) and jump on me to wake me up. This happened for months, and my room mate just laughed at me.

When they left the first time I was so relieved that my little irritation was gone, but over time I felt alone in that big house to myself. While the room mate was fighting in Iraq, the dog was staying at the aunts house. There, Juice meet up with another male figure who tormented Juice like no other. When they returned, I was so happy to see them both. This time, Juice was good. He knew to stay out of my room, but he also never wanted to play with me anymore. It wasn't until several months when I watched the dog over several weeks by myself that he finally warmed up to me again.

Ever since I moved out of that house, Juice has been a much better dog. Whenever I came over, he would jump up and down and wag his tail happy to see me. He would always go get his toy so I would play fetch with him. When I was hanging out and watching television, he would often hang out on the couch next to me or on the floor beside me.

I'm still don't care much for animals, but Juice is more than just an animal to me, he is my family and will be sorely missed.

Home at last!

My vacation is over and I am settled back into my apartment. I don't have my own Internet connection (thank goodness for people who don't use WEP), my cable hasn't been installed, I haven't unpacked anything yet and I start work on Monday.

My best friend has many interests, he is into music and plays several different instruments he is also into photography. All in all, he always has something to do with his time and never seems "bored". I also enjoy music, but I don't have the same passion about it as he does, nor the same level of commitment required to truly consider myself an ammature musician. I definitely do not share the same passion about photography. Point being, I need to find something that I can enjoy doing that will allow me to enjoy my free time and perhaps bolster my social life instead of sitting on my couch watching television all day long.

That is my goal for the next few... however long it takes, I need to discover something that I can join and participate in that will help me fill the social void.

Acclimation

Its almost five in the morning in California and I am extraordinarily tired. I want nothing more than to curl back into bed and sleep another five hours but I can't. At least, I shouldn't because I need to get used to waking up this early. Its nearly 7am central time and if this were next week I would already be late to work.

Every trip home has been different. While all of them have had enjoyable parts, most of them have been very tiring and emotional. Sometimes at the end of my vacation I want to stay longer and other times I'm ready to get back to life as I know it. This time around, I want to get back to life as I don't know it.

What is interesting in this situation is that I have full control over what I can do next. I am no longer a puppet of the United States Air Force, but I am still a slave to economics. I have a lease on an apartment, I just bought new furniture and now I am in a small amount of debt, which could turn into a huge debt if I decide to change my career path in a quick hurry.

Economics is important, but is it more important than being happy? I'm not saying that I couldn't be happy living in Oklahoma, I was quite content living there for three years previously. I'm just certain that I would be much happier living in Southern California and the time spent here on vacation has certainly solidified the fact that there is something about California that sets its apart from everywhere else that I have lived. I am sure that a big part of that is the friends and family, but there is something else that just attracts me, maybe its the fluoride they put in the water.

Of course, I am going to follow the logical side of my brain and take the economically safer route and make sure that I take care of my outstanding debts before making anymore career and life altering changes, thats just me-- Mr. take the safe route. Its funny because people tell me that I am adventurous and independent, but I disagree. I just found a path through the military that allowed me disguise my life as such, but in reality I'm still truly dependent. The only thing I did was replace the handouts of my birth parents with the hand outs of Uncle Sam. The last six years, I was told what job to do, what to wear, what to eat, and where to live. I might not have liked all the decisions that were made for me, but they were made and now that I have the final say on these decisions, I'm just so paranoid about making any of these seemingly easy decisions for myself.

Do I necessarily desire a life of being told how to run my life? No, in fact that was probably the main reason I decided to get out of the military in the first place. Do I think I made a bad decision? No. Each choice I have has its pros and cons. I wish there was a path in my life that lead me to live in California but for now, that road is being worked on.

A Fresh New Start - Back Where I Was Five Years Ago

I made my 17 hour journey and arrived to my final destination well refreshed. I needed to stop at the 14 hour mark, as I started to think that my car was a plane and I was thinking I should just fly over the other cars. I quickly stopped at the next place I could get a room, and found that thier cheapest room was 92 dollars (104 after tax), had I just gone to the other side of the freeway where there was a motel 6 for 50 bucks, I would have gladly paid that, but no... I had already gotten out of my car at the Best Western and I knew that any amount of time behind that wheel would be devistating.

My apartment managers here have been great, although, Ive been running into more and more issues as time progresses. Right now, they won't let me take out the washing machine and dryer and put my own in. So, that leaves me with the problem of where to put my washing machine and dryer. In addition to that, the maintinance guy hasn't come to fix my washer, as the one they are forcing me to use is broke. Although, they have been very flexible on a whole lot of things, so I haven't been as anal retentive on this issue as I would have with the other place I just moved from. I hope that this is a one time thing, taking more than a day to fix this problem.

I just purchased a new bedroom set, and the best freaking matress in the world. Originally, I had set out to get the tempurpedic, as I remember when I laid on it back several years ago in vegas, it was the best matress I had ever laid on. When I got to the store though, when I laid on it, it was comfortable, but when I actually laid the way I normally sleep, I found it uncomfortable, there was Zero bounce in it at all, which I suppose is the selling point. Regardless, I went with a BeautyRest matress with memory foam top. It shapes to my body, but there is firmness when I need to roll side to side. Its freaking awsome. I also purchased a bedroom set to go with it, since i got a King size bed, and my current set is a queen (well, not the queen, but almost a queen, its either twin or full, I think full) Regardless, that now means that my trip home will be primarally loafing around and not spending money.

So, as the title says... here I am again.. in the same city, with new debt, not knowing anyone, and not knowing what my job is going to be like. If it turned out anything like the last time I was here. Im going to have a great time.

The Point of No Return

My birthday and going away party was a blast. April and her family are great and they made this weekend awesome.

I think I am ready to move on.

The 4:00 am Blog

Every now and then, I just wake up early. It doesn't happen all that often, but when it does it is pretty annoying. However, there is not much I can do at this point. I have two options. First, I can attempt to go back to sleep, only to find that I will be rudely awaken in the middle of my sleep cycle by my torrid alarm clock. Secondly, I can stay up and make this an incredibly long day. Either way, the outlook is certainly bleak.

Regardless of how much sleep I get in the night, waking up mid sleep cycle ruins my entire morning and possibly the whole day in general. Thats when I feel as though I am fighting against nature and trying to be awake when my body just says.. sleep.

So, alas, I will sit here checking my myspace account, posting pointless blogs about my sleep, and watching recordings of my favorite series recorded by my DVR. And somehow, I will more than likely find myself still late for work as I will be fully immersed in these activities to the point where I will forget to get ready for work.

Its cold and I am unprepared

I starred in my closet debating on what I needed to keep and what I could let the movers take on the truck. It was almost 90 degrees and I figured that I was good without a jacket. Little did I know that the next evening, and the following, would drop into the 50's. I am cold. I didn't think things through very well, what am I doing?

The clock is counting

When I was sitting at about 30 days out, I felt like I still had all the time in the world to get all my ducks in a row. Now I am sitting about two weeks out, and I feel like I am no further prepared for the changes to come than I was two weeks ago. I have all of tomorrow to identify what I will need to take with me and what I can let the movers hold onto for several weeks. I still have not found a place to live yet and friday will be my last day in my current apartment. I'll need to forward my mail somewhere. Even with two weeks left, wtih all the things I need to do, it just seems like its already creeped up on me and I've failed to prepare for the transistion.


I still havne't figured out how I am going to emoitionally get over all my friends here. When I left Oklahoma City and Korea, it was easy for me to leave since all my close friends had already moved on to their next duty location. Even in Korea, the mere fact that I was prepared to leave in a year made it bearable to only create friendships that could easily be broken. I guess I never saw myself leaving, for a while I thought that I was going to stay here in Panama City as a civilian and go to school while working here for a few more years. I've been at my apartment getting ready for the movers to do their thing, but it hasn't been easy to sit here all by myself.
Things will work out, they always do.

A New Blog

18 is the number of days that I have until I am free from the grips of the machine called the Air Force. That is also the number of days until I turn the young age of 28. Things have been moing quickly for me, it seems as though every day new opportunities arise. Thus far, only one company has given me a firm offer, but it would appear by the end of the week there will be two and possibly three offers to choose from. More opportunities arise, but I can't get myself to turn down great firm offers for the chance to get a possibly better job.

I am excited but nervous that I will make a decision too hastley, without considering all the possibities in the future. Six years ago, I made the decision to join the Air Force within a week, I have a little over twice that time now to decide what is best for the next decade of my life. I suppose that I can take the safe route for a year and see where that takes me. Of course, the safest route would be to reenlist into the Air Force and continue on the path of the military for the next 14 years until I can retire.

I could always just do what I had inteded on doing in the first place. Go home, go to school, live on unemployment for a little bit and relax.